I Can't Even Read online

  He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he shrugged.

  “Shawn…”

  He sighed quietly and logged out of his game.

  “You didn’t have to quit playing.”

  “I guess… it was nice getting complimented like that. I mean, me? A model? I never would’ve imagined it.”

  “So you did like her touching you?” For a moment, I wasn’t thinking about his previous acne issues and I felt a surge of pride and satisfaction in him.

  He colored a little, blushing and looking away. He shrugged again.

  “I noticed you were hard in your pants.”

  He reacted defensively. “I was not.”

  “You were so. It was showing.”

  He chuckled ruefully. “Hey, some beautiful woman was running her hands all over me. What guy wouldn’t react over that?”

  “Yeah, well, don’t get your hopes up; she’s married.”

  He waved his hand as if he wasn’t considering it. “Nah, it was nice, but…”

  Something inside of me shifted to a more comfortable spot. My husband was no longer an awkward teenager, but a maturing man who was pleasing on the eyes. “She certainly was… I mean, she just exuded essence of woman—”

  “Essence?” He smirked. “What?”

  “Everything she did was just so graceful and perfect. She could’ve been a queen or something. The perfect princess.”

  “Empress, maybe.”

  “Yeah, empress.”

  He tried to sound natural. “You don’t think she was really coming on to me, do you?”

  I picked up the Star Wars stormtrooper face pillow and smacked him with it. “She’s married.”

  He grinned. “So are you.”

  I noticed his pants poking up somewhat. “Are you excited again?”

  He scoffed. “It’s barely hard.”

  “For her?”

  “It gets like that sometimes.”

  I knew it did, but still… “Yeah, just so happens we were talking about her.”

  He shifted, tugging at his pants to make room for his hardening. “I can’t help it…”

  I was glad he liked my boss; it gave me a sense of proprietorship over my new job and helped to banish the insecurities I had that I might screw it up. “Would you really want to give up being a photographer?”

  “Never. But… the kind of cash she’s talking about…”

  “I know, right? We’d be swimming in it.”

  He looked distracted and shifted again.

  I laughed at him. “You’re really worked up over her, aren’t you? Should I be jealous?” Despite my kidding around, I was wondering if there was going to be a problem: Lexi was definitely more woman than I’d ever be. I had to hope her being married was enough to keep him from cheating on me.

  He ran a hand back through his hair and shifted again. “Nah… Hey, let’s fuck.”

  My nipples hardened rapidly and my breathing accelerated. “Yeah?”

  His eyes focused on me, but despite looking at me, he seemed far away. “Yeah…”

  I watched him get up and strip off his clothes. I followed him around the couch and got naked.

  He was rolling the condom down his bulging erection. He gripped it when it was covered and held it in his fist, watching me. Then he started stroking himself, panting, that distant, glazed look in his eyes.

  Was he thinking of her?

  My new boss?

  He never played with himself once he got the condom on, but he was really massaging it now, mouth open, breathing heavy, and moaning quietly.

  I settled back and spread my legs.

  I had never seen him like this. If he had spurted cum into the condom right at that point, I might not have been surprised: he was totally enjoying himself.

  I had never seen him get excited over some other chick before. But Lexi wasn’t just some other chick; she was everything I wanted to be as a woman – and I hadn’t known that until I had seen her. She had enlightened me on what I could be when I had never thought of it before.

  Could I be as sexy as Lexi?

  Could I be sexy enough to evoke the kind of reaction my husband was exhibiting?

  Lexi was woman enough to cause Shawn to be masturbating right now.

  I wanted to be that kind of woman.

  Maybe working under Lexi would give me some of that. I could learn, imitate, and become… something better.

  Not a girl, a woman.

  And then I could have that effect on men.

  I watched my husband sway on his feet, stroking himself with his eyes closed.

  My sexy boss had done that to him.

  It made me hot.

  It made me wet.

  CHAPTER 5

  I learned how to compile a hard file on applicants. The temp guy listlessly showed me how. He didn’t care, didn’t exert any effort, and just didn’t give a fuck: he was a temp.

  Lexi, on the other hand, positively bubbled around me with subdued excitement. She touched me frequently and instead of feeling toxic and compelling me to find a safe space, it comforted me. I am embarrassed to admit, it made my nipples harden whenever she did.

  She was just so damned sexy!

  She asked me after the temp had left, “Do you think your husband will keep his appointment today?” He was due late afternoon to get pictures taken for a composite. Lexi wanted something now, not later, and was going to photograph him around the office as if his composite was taken in a work environment.

  “He will. He’s not a flake.”

  “‘Flake.’ ” She laughed delightfully. “I haven’t heard that word in a long time.”

  I’m using old words?

  She squeezed my shoulder. “You’re understanding our files okay?”

  “Sure, it’s not hard.” I didn’t want to laugh at her and offend her, but it was fairly basic once I had seen a handful of them.

  A guy poked his head into the office. “Hey, Mrs. Wass, where do you want me to set up?”

  “Oh, hi Joseph. Anywhere. I was thinking an office shoot, so like everywhere.”

  He looked discomfited, but nodded and ducked out.

  She said, “He’s going to be working the camera for your husband: he owes me some favors.”

  I said the only thing that came to mind, “Oh.”

  Shawn’s arrival was quiet, and I only knew he was in the office when he poked his head in and smiled at me. “Hey, Bree.” His eyes caught sight of the vase and flowers. “So this is your office?”

  I wasn’t doing anything but studying previous portfolios on the computer and matching them to what Lexi called “call sheets.” I stood and stepped towards the door with hesitation. “Are they shooting you already?”

  He shook his head. “Nah, Lexi and the photographer are chatting—”

  “Shawn?” Lexi’s voice called out.

  He smiled really big. “Gotta go…”

  She called and he answered instantly. I was glad to see he was taking this seriously, even though I didn’t think he was really model material.

  Though, he was certainly better looking than some of the models I had come across in the files.

  Maybe he would make it big in modeling. Who knew?

  I had to move once so they could set up some shots using my office, but other than that, he was gone less than two hours later.

  Lexi leaned on the doorframe and frowned. “He seemed a little nervous.” It was a statement with feeling behind it, like a thoughtful assessment rather than criticism.

  “I would be, too.”

  It was as if she hadn’t even heard me and really, what did I know? She had been in the business far longer than I had. Seen thousands of models. Surely she knew her business.

  I asked, “Was it bad?”

  She shook her head slightly and her eyes lost their glaze, focusing on me. “Oh, no, not really. But…” She pressed her lips together and then sucked her bottom lip inwards. “Tell you what…”

  I waited silently.

  “Come with me.”

  I followed her into her office. It was a very swanky space decorated in long metallic accents that reminded me of art deco. Yes, definitely art deco; one of the lamps had a base that was fashioned as a long, flowing woman. The deep plum-colored walls were set off with brass accents.

  It had probably looked really nice when it had been set up. Now it just mostly looked messy.

  She sat in her office chair and swiveled it towards a wooden filing cabinet. She paused and looked at me critically. “Are you a good wife, Bree? I don’t mean that as an accusation, understand…”

  “I’m sorry?” I was confused.

  She firmed her lips again and turned back towards me. Resting both elbows on the desk, she evinced a pose of resting her chin on her hands, but didn’t. “Shawn seemed a little tense. That’s really very normal for beginners, but there are ways to… combat that. Would you be willing to help him?”

  I answered promptly. “Of course.”

  “Even if it’s a little… embarrassing?”

  “Well, I… What do you mean?”

  “There’s a simple method… However, it works much better when another person is involved. Would you be willing to help your husband?”

  “Of course, I would…”

  She looked around as if searching for eavesdroppers, although the temp had left for the day and Sarah the receptionist was busily typing away on her computer. She leaned towards me. “Male models can pick up a good languid fluidity to their movements if they’ve… cum recently.”

  My face felt wooden with the switch to sexual matters.

  She said, “He’d be good on stage as that kind of work requires more animation and expression. Movies require much less of it, and modeling almost none. In fact, the less
expression the better. The more vacant the look, the more successful the model. At least in high fashion. He has the smile down for other brand promotionals, but for fashion…”

  “He… came… last night.”

  Her eyebrows flashed upwards. “That’s good, but…”

  I waited.

  “This is something he could do before any more composite shoots we do tomorrow morning, if we do, and before any real modeling jobs he might get. And it helps if someone else is involved. Would you be willing to help him?”

  “I suppose, sure.”

  She lowered her chin in confidence. “Men can do it on their own, but it works better if they’re being helped.” She turned back to the filing cabinet and opened it. She began flipping through thick files. “Hmm… Yes, this one.”

  I was eager to be part of my husband’s career, if this was going to help him, and also to show Lexi I was willing to work. I didn’t want to give the impression like the temp had that I didn’t care about anything.

  She turned and held a magazine in both hands, eyebrows lifted suggestively. It was a nudie magazine in an archival cover. “This kind of thing works wonders, but guys who do it alone usually become glum after. We don’t want glum; we want relaxed. Works best with a woman’s helping hand, if you catch my drift. Would you be willing to help him? Handle him while he looks at this? Or is that too dirty for you?” Her voice fell in expectation of dissatisfaction at the end of her question.

  I shook my head, desperate to please her, not disappoint her. “No, I can help him.”

  Her smile was fast and approving. “Excellent. Tomorrow morning, before you come in, I’d like you to… work with him. It’s not hard and actually pretty fun. I used to help my husband Dylan when he modeled.” She lifted the magazine. There was a buxom blonde on the cover. She waggled it side to side. “Just let him find something he likes seeing and,” she indicated my hand, “do it very slow.”

  “Slow?”

  “The longer the better, with men. Too fast and they’re actually uptight after. We don’t want that. Give him time to look at everything inside and settle on a picture he likes. I’m sure he’ll find something in there. And then once he has, try to make it last as long as possible. I know some men finish quick, but that would defeat the purpose. Can you do that?”

  I took the proffered magazine. I felt trusted that she would hand me something that was an asset to her business. If it was saved in an archival cover, it must have had some kind of value. I said solemnly, “I will.”

  “Be careful and see that gets back to me tomorrow.” She winked. “Promise me you’ll be involved in your husband’s future.”

  I knew what she meant. She wanted to make sure I helped him not just succeed, but specifically with giving him a hand in the morning. “I promise.”

  I left her office. Later, I left for home.

  Who knows?

  Helping him sounded naughty. And maybe a little fun.

  CHAPTER 6

  I waited until he sat on the couch, freshly showered. I was kneeling on the floor, oil ready for the act.

  “So this is supposed to help me with my modeling?”

  I nodded. “Be careful with the magazine; she wants it back this morning.” I felt a little awkward and silly; guys playing with themselves were always a joke in school – such things only happened on webcam, not in real life. And yet, here I was about to help him do something embarrassing. For my job’s sake, I went along with it as if it was no different than putting away dishes.

  “So… I just open this up while you…?”

  A swell of impatience and scorn rose within me – to cover my own naiveté. “Oh come on, Shawn. You’ve never seen a nudie magazine before in your life?”

  His face colored. “Well… yeah…”

  I oiled his dick and began pulling on it. “Open it up and find something you like. That’s what Lexi said.”

  “Okay, okay, gosh…” He couldn’t hide a flash of eagerness in his eyes.

  In my hand, his dick responded like a champion. It firmed and hardened until it was stiff and throbbing in my hand. I began stroking him, reminding myself to go slow while he looked. Despite our awkward feelings, I began thinking this was rather fun. Feeling his body respond through my fingers as he looked was intoxicating. I could feel him trembling with excitement. I could feel the heat his shaft radiated into my grip. Each throb of his erection sent a pulse down my body to my pussy. I was getting warm and wet.

  I kept to my task.

  His mouth dropped open as he panted and he flipped pages.

  “Are you finding anything good?”

  He flipped his head to the side. “I dunno, I’ve seen tits before…”

  I felt a little deflated. I wanted him to be a willing part of this and, in doing so successfully, please Lexi. I didn’t want to tell her it was a failure as that might implicate me. I needed this to be the success my boss expected. For my sake, at least.

  “Lexi said to find something you like. Are they all ugly or something?”

  His reaction was immediate. “No…” He left off with much unsaid.

  I kept a steady stroke, testing with my fingers if I was getting him too close. But other than enjoying it and trembling, he wasn’t close. I marveled at the length and thickness of his shaft. I couldn’t understand how guys attained erections. So much blood was required to fill it - and then more to make it hard! Silky to the touch and rigidly stiff for penetration, just holding the hot rod in my grip was enough to have me breathing heavier.

  He appeared to settle on a set of pictures, though I couldn’t see them. His breathing became more ragged.

  I slowed my stroking. “Found a good one?”

  “Y-yeah, I guess so…”

  My hand glided up and down his sexual excitement. The throbbing became more frequent. Pre-cum oozed from the tip. What is he looking at? A blonde? A brunette? I began to feel a little left out by my unanswered curiosity. I broke my silence. “What are you looking at? Let me see.”

  He flipped a page, shaking his head. He mumbled, “Oh, nothing.”

  I coughed to myself in aggravation. Like, duh! “I just wanted to see…”

  He showed me the page he had flipped to – some article about cars. “See? Nothing.”

  I rolled my eyes. I hadn’t thought he would be all defensive about it. “Well, find a good picture. I can’t believe you’re trying to read articles—”

  “I wasn’t.”

  I went quiet, knowing I was upsetting him. Whatever…

  He kept flipping, finding another set of pictures he liked and stopped turning pages.

  I kept up my slow up and down motion. My wrist was getting tired, though, so I shifted the force of my strokes. Instead of keeping my grip the same, I squeezed on the downstroke and kept going until I was fully at the base and could go no further. Then I loosened and lifted to the tip. The alternating pressure relieved the threat of cramps in my hand.

  Shawn responded with his hips, lifting slightly as my hand came down, as if my fist was a pussy and he was fucking it.

  That made me wetter and I made sure to use my hand to reinforce that feeling for him.

  He flipped backwards through the pages, his eyes shifting slightly towards me with guilt.

  So he had found some good-looking picture and he was going back to it. What was it? I waited until he stopped turning pages. I slowed my stroking. I squeezed at the tip and drove my fist slowly down in a tight grip as if he was penetrating a tight pussy.

  He moaned.

  Chills drifted down my back and tingles radiated out from my pussy. Just feeling and hearing him respond with such lust was driving me nuts. What was he looking at? Did she have big boobs? My curiosity began burning out of control.

  His eyes were locked onto the magazine. His hips shifted up with my downstrokes. Whatever the picture was, he was fucking the girl in it.

  I whispered, “Is that a good picture?”

  His response was ragged and hoarse. “Yes…”

  I kept using my hand like a pussy, up and down on his cock. “Are you imagining doing her?”

  He moaned loudly, stiffening.

  I eased off immediately.

  He panted, taut, and slowly settled down. He chuckled roughly. “Yeah, I guess so…”

  “Is it safe?”

  “Yeah, keep going.”

  I went back to stroking his shaft. Up and down I used my hand to be the pussy he was looking at in the magazine. The idea and knowledge of it made me burning hot with lust. I squirmed on my knees feeling the deep, twisting ache inside my pussy. “I want to see her, too.”