Beth's Dilemma Page 2

  Oh my gosh… This thing is amazing. Spiraling tighter in her, lust twisted into need. She felt the approaches of orgasm growing nearer and clearer. It was going to be a good one.

  Her husband said, "Hold this." He pushed the bullet into her hand and placed it back to her pussy. He quickly removed his bed shorts. He stroked his mostly hard erection to full and got between her legs.

  She watched him, wondering what he wanted. The bullet felt good as she held it and her panting was growing faster with the approach of her orgasm.

  He took it away and turned it off.

  She wanted to cry. The tension in her began to melt. "I was almost there…"

  "Perfect." He stabbed his cock into her with one hard thrust.

  The sudden filling invasion brought the tension back. She gasped with shock and her hips arched up to meet his push. His pubic bone ground down onto her clit, giving her lust a push towards the edge.

  He began hammering her, his hips slamming down onto hers and bringing with it the paralysis she felt when her orgasm began to seize her. The perfect tension rose within, sending her upward. Her limbs tensed.

  His driving erection sent waves of delicious desire spreading through her.

  She moaned underneath his familiar form, her hips working faster with his and bringing that final wave closer. An explosion of release came suddenly and unexpectedly sooner than she had anticipated. She cried out with relief and ecstasy, grinding her hips up to his as her pussy took over all sensation.

  He chuckled down at her. "That was fast for you."

  Pulses of passion swept her over and sent her tumbling with relief. She finally went limp, exhausted from such a large orgasm. "Wow…"

  He laughed again, but there was a steamy heat in it. "We'll have to use that again." His words were a pant and signaled he was close.

  She pulled on him, wanting it. He's perfect in every way. She felt the splashes of burning heat inside her. Success…

  "I love you." He brought his head down and kissed her.

  Yes, perfect. Except… Thoughts bubbled within her. Perfect except for his fantasy. Was he thinking of me? Or me with another man? Am I not good enough unless someone else does me? Why does it feel like he doesn't really love me?

  CHAPTER 3

  Beth found no answers in the days that followed. She felt as if everything had come loose. Whereas her life had been secure, now it was adrift like a crewless boat on a vast ocean and the edge of the world near. Would her life go over the edge?

  Gone was the comfort in her routine. The security of her relationship was no longer there and her limbs trembled with fear. Her efficiency at work suffered. As a personnel manager for Data-Tek, she handled scheduling, hiring and firing. Fortunately, no one needed hiring or firing. But she stared numbly at the schedules as if seeing them through a thick fog.

  The haze in her brain did not go away as she sought clues to her life.

  It was Tuesday morning when her cell rang.

  Lynne's concerned voice came through. "Beth?"

  "Hi." She tried to sound normal.

  "Is everything all right? How did your talk go?"

  She clicked out of the schedule file and slumped in her chair. "I don’t know."

  "You don't sound very good."

  "Maybe I'm just feeling a little under the weather."

  Lynne's incredulity was obvious. "You? Sick? Never."

  Beth sighed. It was no use trying to hide things from her friend. "I feel so out of it and worried at the same time."

  "Why don't you come by for coffee?"

  She breathed for a moment, considering. Actually, that does sound nice. Maybe a good bowl of soup… "Okay."

  "That's my girl." As if having read her thoughts, she said, "A little soup for your soul and we'll get you patched up."

  "Okay." Beth felt a little better already, but was it the promise of fixing things or the soup? She clicked off and felt the brief relief flee her.

  ~ ~ ~

  The normally comforting aromas in the Coffee Kitchen assaulted Beth with a difference that jarred her thoughts. Normal here, normal with Lynne and yet things so abnormal in her life brought with it all a fierce fear that her expectations of doom were going to come true.

  Candi's bubbly greeting did nothing to alleviate the feeling, and only made it worse.

  Lynne's smile started happy, but grew grim when she studied Beth's face. "Hmm, I think it better be pea soup with butter, and your normal coffee." She got up as Beth sat. "Be right back."

  She wanted to let go and cry because she didn't know what else to do. Why all this now? We were so happy.

  Her friend brought a cafeteria tray with two bowls and two mugs. She set it on the desk and sat next to Beth. "Don't start telling me anything until you've finished half your bowl."

  It sounded like a good plan, even if half a bowl of soup would make no difference in what she talked about. She spooned the pea soup with little appetite, but realized after a few spoons that she was hungry and it was good.

  Lynne kept her bowl in her hands and said, "So, tell me. What happened?"

  She closed her eyes and opened them as if trying to clear away the thought-fog enveloping her. "I talked to him, like you suggested."

  "And?"

  "Nothing changed."

  "What do you mean?"

  Beth shrugged listlessly. "Nothing changed. He still has this fantasy…"

  "Hold on. Did you really think he was going to change?"

  Yes. "I wanted everything to go back to the way it was; we were happy."

  "Beth, honey, he's still the same old Bill he was before he told you."

  "But it feels so different. Things were right before; now they're wrong."

  "What's wrong about it?"

  She gaped at her friend. "Are you serious?"

  Lynne put down her bowl. "A lot of people have weird kinks, and a lot weirder than Bill's."

  You can't be serious. "You think this thing of his is okay?"

  Her friend searched her eyes, her face carefully composed. Her words were slow. "If he says he loves you—"

  "But he wants to see me with another man. It could blow the whole marriage apart."

  "I think you're overdoing it—"

  Beth scrunched up her shoulders. "Overdoing it? He wants me to take the trust I have and throw it all out the window."

  Lynne shook her head. She scooted her chair back behind Beth's and gripped her shoulders. "Relax, girl. He wasn't asking you to throw everything away."

  She blew out a breath, relieved that she was getting another massage. The last one had helped.

  Her friend's fingers worked their wonders and she leaned close to Beth's ear. "Have you talked to him since Saturday?"

  "No, not about…"

  "You're not talking at all?"

  "Oh, no, we're talking…" She let out a little laugh. "Some things are sort of normal."

  Her friend chuckled low in her throat. "Some things, huh?" Beth knew she knew what that implied.

  "We did things later. He used this little toy on me – a bullet." She laughed a little in embarrassment.

  "Ah, a bullet? Those are nice."

  My friend knows of these things? What does she know? "You're familiar with them?"

  Lynne laughed. "Yes, I guess I am." She cleared her throat and lowered her voice. "Personally, I prefer the vibrating dildos. Roger likes to watch me use it."

  Beth clapped a hand to her mouth. "Oh my gosh, are you serious?"

  Her friend kept working her hands. Her giggle was a little dismissive. "Just because I'm your friend doesn't mean I tell you all my secrets. Though I guess I just told some."

  Beth burned with curiosity. What other secrets might she have? Lynne likes dildos? No way. Her husband likes to watch her use them? Wow, that's kinky. Wondering at this new revelation in her friend's personal life, she turned her thoughts to Bill. His use of the bullet had been a surprise, but had turned fun. He had also mentioned dildos. "So, Roger likes watc
hing you?"

  "Mm hmm." Lynne's tone hinted that she wouldn't say more about it. Her head was still close. She said into Beth's ear, "I think you should keep talking to Bill. You two were meant for each other; don't think it's all over."

  The heat of her friend's breath tickled her ear canal and sent shivers down her back. The working of Lynne's fingers brought a numbing relief that sent waves of relaxation spreading through her turmoil. "That feels so good."

  "Go home tonight and talk to him. Come back here tomorrow for lunch and let me help you through this."

  "You really think more talking about his…"

  "Yes, I do. Clamming up and worrying isn't doing you any good; your shoulders feel knotted up like steel cords."

  I don't see how more talking is going to change anything. I can't see how it would avert the meltdown coming. "I don't know."

  "Do it, girl. Don't throw it all away because you can't handle finding out something new about your husband."

  "But I was so happy with him before."

  "And you can still be happy with him. Trust me, he loves you or he wouldn't have told you."

  She sighed, knowing that sounded true.

  "I'll give you another massage tomorrow, but only if you talk to him." There was something hitched in her voice – a tension that hinted at something unsaid.

  Beth wasn't sure what it was, but her own worries were worse than anything her friend could hide. "Okay." Maybe I can change his mind.

  ~ ~ ~

  Beth had no courage until she was in bed. She watched Bill climb in and turn off the light. He settled as if to go to sleep, but she wanted to get this talking thing over with. Still, she wasn't sure how to begin. "About this fantasy of yours…"

  "Hmm?" His sigh indicated a bit of impatience. Likely he wanted to go to sleep.

  She chewed on her lip in the darkness. "When did you come down with it?"

  "Come down with it? What?"

  Yeah, this illness. Surely it can be cured. "When did you start feeling those things?"

  "About watching you?"

  There, the illness was out and exposed. "Yes." Surely this can work. I just need to find the right cure.

  "Years, I guess."

  What! "Years?"

  She felt him shrug. "Yeah, years."

  "You kept it from me all this time?" She felt a panicky loss of something she couldn't quite put her finger on.

  "I didn't think you'd be able to handle it."

  Obviously, I can't, duh. "But—"

  "Honey, you asked."

  "But I'm happy with you; I've never wanted anyone else."

  He chuckled. "I think that's great."

  "But you want me to sleep with another man—"

  "It's not like my fantasy was me sleeping with another woman."

  You better not. "But why can't it be just you and me?"

  "It is."

  "But you have this fantasy—"

  He began sounding impatient. "That doesn't mean you and I change any different than we are." His sigh was heavy. "Let's just go to sleep."

  She felt him shutting her down. No, don't clam up. "But—"

  "Go to sleep, Beth."

  Why isn't this working? She spent the next hour in silence, the only sound was her husband breathing – so normal, but now so very different.

  CHAPTER 4

  Wednesday's lunch-hour didn't feel like it was going to be a success. Beth drove to the Coffee Kitchen feeling dejected. Nothing had been solved or fixed the previous night by talking. What is Lynne going to say? What am I going to do with my life?

  Candi waved, omitting her normal greeting. Something in her eyes said she knew Beth was troubled.

  She pulled out a ten. "Two cinna-cocoa coffees."

  The girl looked down at the money and out at the customers in a furtive glance. "You know you don't have to—"

  She got coffee for free - and soup when she wanted it. Not today – not after the failure of last night. She pushed the ten. "Please."

  Candi pursed her lips and poured two mugs. She rang up the purchase and handed back the change. Beth saw the girl had given her a discount, but she wasn't going to argue. She carried the two mugs back to Lynne's office.

  Her friend was leaning forward towards the screen of her computer, chin thrust forward and resting on her hand. She was looking over coffee beans from her supplier. "Hey, girl."

  Beth handed her a coffee and sat.

  "I'll be…just a moment." She began clicking her mouse.

  Beth tried to order her thoughts. How to reveal failure? Just come out and say it?

  Lynne finished a moment later and came around the desk. She stood behind Beth and began massaging her shoulders. "All right, tell me."

  This is it. "I failed."

  The hands stopped. "You didn't talk to him?" The disappointment was heavy in her voice.

  "No, I did. I mean that I failed to change his mind."

  The hands began working again. "Oh." The disappointment remained.

  "What?"

  "You went home to talk to him to change his mind?" Her hands worked harder.

  "Well, of course—"

  Lynne coughed. "What if he doesn't change? You were supposed to talk to him, not be a mind-doctor."

  That hit close to home about how she had thought to cure whatever illness he had with his fantasy. "But I only want him."

  The hands paused briefly. "So you're going to wreck a fifteen year marriage—"

  "Sixteen."

  "Right, sorry. Sixteen years and you're going to toss it all away because he has a fantasy?"

  "But I don't want his fantasy. Would you jump into bed with another man if Roger wanted it?"

  The hands moved with more certainty. "Absolutely."

  "You're kidding."

  Lynne's voice was stern. "No, I'm not. I love Roger and he loves me. I want to be everything he desires in a woman."

  "So you'd sleep with someone else to make him happy?" Beth couldn't believe it.

  Lynne didn't answer right away. She leaned down and brought her head close to Beth's ear. "When he brought out the bullet, had you ever imagined using one before?"

  "No?"

  "But it was fun?"

  "Yes?" Where are you going with this?

  Her mouth drew closer to Beth's ear. "So who's to say indulging his fantasy might not be fun?"

  Despite the warm chills at her breath, Beth jerked. "You really think I should sleep with another man—"

  "What I think is that you need to loosen up."

  "But I don't want to cheat on Bill!" The exasperation echoed in the office.

  "Shh. No one says it's cheating if one partner wants it."

  "What do you mean?"

  Her friend's hands gripped and squeezed, sending pulses of pleasure down her shoulders and into her center core. Lynne said, "If you sleep around on him behind his back, it's cheating. But if he wants you to and knows about it, it isn't."

  "Where do you get that?"

  Lynne straightened and massaged deeper. "A wise rabbi once said that if you take his wife, it's adultery. If he loans you his wife, it's not."

  "A rabbi? I'm Christian."

  "Rabbis know all the intricacies and nuances of the books in the Old Testament – all the laws. How can you not trust them?"

  Beth slumped. "This isn't fair."

  Lynne sat behind her and leaned close. "Your husband wants to share something of himself with you. Shouldn't you want to share that with him?" Her lips came down and touched Beth's neck. "Shouldn't your love for your husband include the deepest sharing of secrets?"

  Beth gasped at the touch of her friend's lips. The warmth and moisture from them left a deep tenderness on her neck that spread a paralyzing sense of peace through her. She closed her eyes as Lynne's kisses to her neck drove away her worries and fears. Stunned into silence at the sudden onset of serenity, Beth relaxed.

  Lynne continued to kiss her neck lightly. "If he wants you to, why don't you?"

>   A tendril of tension twisted within her. "I don't want some stranger on me—" She stopped herself as Lynne's fingers twitched and the kissing stopped.

  Her friend said, "If the fantasy involves you, then you have a say in it, right? You don't have to just roll over and be an unwilling participant."

  "I don't?"

  "Of course not." Her voice came closer to Beth's ear. "That's why I keep saying you should talk to him. Make a what-if plan. Just talk about it. Tell him what you definitely can't or won't do. Don't make any plans, just talk about the parameters. See how he reacts."

  "You think he'd want me telling him my rules for his fantasy?"

  "Well, in some ways, sure. He wants you to be a participant, so he should expect you'd have a say. I know Bill well enough to assume he'd want your input."

  That sounds like my Bill. Maybe I could just talk about it. Maybe there's something different about it he'd like instead. Maybe I wouldn't have to actually sleep with another man… "Maybe."

  Lynne's whisper into her ear erased her fear. "Just talk to him."

  "All right." She left feeling better.

  ~ ~ ~

  Beth made chicken and rice at home, carefully being neutral with her husband until after dinner.

  Bill eyeballed her critically and she could see he knew something was up. He leaned back from his cleaned plate and finally said, "All right, what's on your mind?"

  She froze, not ready for the talk. I was hoping to talk in bed… "Uh…"

  "Spit it out." Bill was like that: very direct.

  She sighed, and gripped the stem of her wine glass. "It's about your fantasy—"

  He rolled his eyes. "Oh for shit's sake, just let it go."

  This isn't starting out right at all. "No, wait. Wait. Look, I'm sorry I reacted so badly—"

  He was waving her off. "Forget it. You asked, I told you. End of story."

  "No, I'm sorry. I was just shocked, is all. I want to talk about this."

  He sighed, a stubborn expectation on his face that indicated she was going to have to try real hard to get him to believe her.

  She said, "Lynne keeps telling me to talk to you and she's right. I haven't handled this very well since you told—"